Beer's review, Oahu tours & activities, fun things to do in Oahu | HawaiiActivities.com

ATV tours aka; a terrible vacation experience

I have only reviewed one thing in my life, Space Jam the movie in 1997. I hated it.
But now I have to break my vow to never review again by reviewing this ATV tour.
Whilst Space Jam the movie had some redeemable qualities; the ATV tour did not.
Once we arrived at the ranch (aka mud farm) we observed gangs of roving cats strutting around, intimidating us into purchasing horrible scented soaps from the ugly women at the gift shop.
The actual ride itself was comparable to the holocaust and I refuse to remember the details as I'm not ready to accept that it actually happened. The dude took us to where the hit comedy "you, me and Dupree" was filmed, I think it was the part where they stood in a vacant field and nothing happened. The only thing the dude in charge watched more than the road ahead, was his watch. I think he even said he hated one of us under his breath. His only rules were that no one was allowed to have fun and that we we had to go back to his shack on the ranch to watch Skrek 2. We politely declined his offer.
The only good thing was the view; just like when Michael Jordan scored in the final seconds of Space Jam, thus saving the earth from the invading basketball aliens (?).
After the trip I drove home with the Space Jam theme song playing through the radio.
May god have mercy on us all.